Moving Out II

Posted: January 25, 2008 in Blogging, blogroll, Community, Family, Life, Relationships

Today, we’re talking about how to move, and more importantly, how not to move out. Once you’ve decided that your why makes sense, and you have started your planning, you have to decide how; unfortunately, there are a couple of ways to go about this, some are good and healthy while others are bad and will ultimately harm you. The problem is, sometimes circumstances make something that is normally good turn into something bad, and vice versa.

When I moved out for the last time from my parents, I did so for good reasons, and in a manner that was healthy. I was getting married, so I had to go. I kept my parents involved by communicating where I was in the process, and made sure they understood that I was always going to be close at hand if they ever needed help. I understand that is not always a possibility, but for my parents’ peace of mind, it was worth it. I think that communication was the key to my successful transition for my parents.

On the other hand, as I’ve mentioned before, I have several brothers who are older than I am. They have left home in various ways, and few of them were positive. The way they left has left scars on their relationships with their parents that take a long time to heal. Some have brought friends over to help clean out their stuff on their 18th birthday, others have made living conditions for the whole family so onerous that they were told to find someplace else, and a couple joined the military.

One of the things you should think about when planning to leave the nest is the relationship you have with those left behind. Maybe you have younger siblings that really look up to you and would be hurt and feel betrayed if you left. Maybe you have older siblings who will feel an overwhelming sense of duty to stay and take care of the family (which they believe is really your responsibility now that they are planning to leave), who would be resentful, angry, and even jealous if you left before they did.

Of course, maybe you are becoming too complacent and need to move on before you spoil yourself. Are you contributing nothing to the family, but still reaping the benefits of your parents’ labor? Are your parents forced to keep working longer than they planned to because they are still supporting you?

It is important that whatever the reason for your decision to move, you communicate honestly with your family. Don’t go in with a chip on your shoulder, stay calm and rational, and above all, come in with your mind open. Your family might give you some insight that you never thought of that might change your mind or might help you to live better than you would have without the insight.

Just to end any debate about what I am and what I am not saying, if you are in an abusive situation, get the hell out without delay. Anything is better than being abused. Case closed.

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