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Sometimes I will get a comment on a post that is either too good to be left as a comment, or is too important to not discuss further.
Eric Left a comment: “Wil, I’m 15, and I want to live on my own. I’m smart (straight A’s) and responsible. I just don’t want to live at home anymore. What do I need to do next?
Eric and I corresponded a few times by email, and I got a feel for his situation. My first concern was that there was something going on at home. According to Eric, everything is okay, but he just doesn’t want to follow his parents’ rules anymore. In fact, one of his statements was that he didn’t want to follow rules anymore.
My advice to Eric: You are 15 years old, and it is perfectly normal to want to express your identity separate from your parents. The time is fast approaching when you might have to move out on your own anyways. I suggest you wait until then and take advantage of the benefits that come with living at home. Living on your own is an expensive proposition, and not one that should be entered into without a lot of thought. Aside from being smart, which I’ve no doubt you are, you have to make enough money to be able to care for yourself. If your parents are anything like most parents I know, the particular door you are trying to go through is one-way. You won’t be able to come to them if the going gets too rough to handle and ask for money. There are many expenses that you will be solely responsible for, and the money you can make at your age and level of experience is most likely not enough to cover them. I would advise you to start thinking about these issues and planning for them. Look at the newspaper and see how much rent is for one-bedroom in the community you work (if you work—if you don’t, you are NOT ready to move out anywhere any time soon). Also, look at the prices for some of the supplies you will need to live. Plan a budget that takes all of these into consideration, and live within that budget. It’s my guess that you will quickly see that the reality doesn’t quite meet the expectations.
Talk to your family, explain that you want to establish your identity, and ask them to help you with that. Start buying your own clothes, food, etc. If your parents aren’t charging you rent, ask if you can give them some money every month to save for you in lieu of rent. Ask them to treat the money as if it were rent. If they are charging you rent already, then you are ahead of the game. Explain to your parents that you want to prepare yourself to be able to support yourself when the time comes, but do not start a fight about it. Your parents instinctively want to make sure that you will be okay on your own; they are on your side. Don’t alienate them for the sake of your pride. Understand that they may be reluctant to go along with you on this, and that’s okay: it’s their job to be reluctant.
If, after everything is said and done, you still want to move out, you will need to contact an attorney and talk to them about the process for “emancipation”. I’m of the opinion that this is a bad idea for most kids, so I’m not going to go into more detail on the actual process. Either way, good luck, and keep me informed as to what’s going on as you navigate this difficult time.
I’m now leaving this issue open for other people to comment. If you have some helpful advice for Eric, or if you want to critique my assessment, feel free. I do have a couple of rules:
1. I will not tolerate attacks to Eric in any way. If you think he’s acting stupidly, fair enough. Say so, but there is a difference between acting stupidly and being stupid.
2. No profanity.
3. Any comments not related to this issue will never see the light of day. Do yourself a favor and either connect the dots or don’t post.
Today is a good day to sit back (with a turkey leg in hand) and reflect on what you are thankful for.
Many of us go through life without really thinking about the important things in life.
Rather than repeating the same thing here as there, I’ve put a list of things I’m thankful for over at my MY SPACE page. Check it out, or tell me some of the things you are thankful for this year.
Every once in a while, I talk with friends who are REGISTERED REPRESENTATIVES, and they make me chuckle when they forget to leave “sales mode”. I will ask them questions about the MARKET or about real estate, and they will tell me that this is a great time in America’s history when it comes to finance. I personally think that there is some merit to what they are saying, but not much.
Then I talk to a friend who has been in the business for more years than I have been alive. When I ask his opinion, he’s a little more frank, and I think he’s right on the mark. This brings me to a point that I think is very important. It has been said that those who don’t learn history are doomed to repeat it (teachers will tell you that if you don’t pass History, you are doomed to repeat it). I have never said that it is a good idea to listen to older people and believe what they say outright. I wouldn’t do that to you. But you absolutely should listen to what they have to say and, after careful consideration, make your own decision that you are comfortable living with.
And what was my older friend’s advice?
The days of wild abandon with money are over.
We are going into a recession, if not a full blown depression.
Save money when you can, as much as you can.
The days of living large on credit are also pretty much over.
Don’t think of buying anything without having a large down payment and a really good credit profile.
When it comes to investing, the basics apply as well:
Don’t look at investing as a way to get rich quick. It might work once or twice, but the house always wins.
If you want to invest in stock, take a strong look at the company itself. Companies that are well-managed, have concern for their customers, and a genuine desire to do good will always outperform companies who are hot flashers (his words, not mine). The old saw about investing in the companies you would like to do business with has been right for years. Once you buy a stock, hold it until the fundamentals of the company have changed—other than that, hold on and reap the profits as they come.
As I said, I think he’s right on. First, he has made a lot of money for a lot of people with his investment advice. Second, he’s seen everything in the finance world as it has happened for several decades. Third, I don’t remember a time when he has been wrong. Based on this, it looks like its back to basics time. The good news is this is what I’ve been talking to you about for the past year. The bad news is that there are going to be a few people (possibly even people in your family) who aren’t ready to accept this new reality. They will make fun of your strategies and they will always have a “better” way to do things quicker. Using the training you have received about QUALITIES OF SUCCESS, you should be able to overcome their objections.
Check out these sites mentioned in this post:
WWW.DEBTCONSOLIDATIONCARE.COM/RANKING-CHART/BLOGS/INDEX.PHP
I have been accused, in the past, of having anger management issues. I never thought I did, but I will admit that it used to be pretty easy to piss me off. I was never a violent person, but in retrospect, I can see where my short fuse could have done serious damage to my health. Even though I am much older now, with all of the experience, patience, and whatnot that comes with age, I find that I am much more level-headed and calm than the years would suggest I would be. I think the biggest reason is that I now have outlets that just weren’t available to me back then. I go to the gym regularly to burn off some of the stress and frustration. I work on F4Y whenever possible, and the feeling of helping people allows me to step outside of whatever issues might be there. The biggest help I have received is in being able to talk to people about issues that might be too big for me to deal with alone.
There are many subjects where I am not only not an expert on, but have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about with. Sometimes, unfortunately, these issues intersect my life, so I have no choice but to deal with them as they arise. When this happens, I usually ask a friend to help, or even look for some sort of forum online where I can get the help I need. Sometimes, it might be about a subject where I really am knowledgeable, but I could use another perspective. I can’t tell you how much these forums have done to help me when I need it.
The best part about these forums is that you can get help from a variety of directions from some of the better forums. I’m a big fan of believing that its better to get answers from as many sources as feasible before making any decision about something difficult or important. Also, it’s good that you can be anonymous on these forums, especially if you are dealing with a sensitive or potentially embarrassing situation. Are there downsides to this? Of course, but nothing is perfect. There are trolls out there who have an internet connection that is firing faster than their tiny little brain can handle, who want to be insulting or distracting, but most moderators handle this pretty effectively.
Recently, I’ve been exposed to a couple of these forums that belong to a financial network. The network, OUR COMMUNITY NETWORK, is a good place to get answers to some specific problems that people might be experiencing. They have links to different “portals” for debt, mortgage, credit, and insurance. The moderators seem to be professionals in their respective fields.
Moderators from the debt and mortgage portals have contacted me and asked me to take a look at their sites. I’m going to go through the commonalities of both first, and then look at the individual sites in a little more detail.
Both of these portals express that their goal and mission is to help their community members in each of the specific fields. In looking through both portals, I can say that the moderators seem to practice this throughout the forums. I like that, because I don’t think there is any more room for frauds or hucksters out there. Finance can have such deep and long-lasting consequences for those who are unknowledgeable. Both of these portals run rich, easy to use forums with ample moderator presence. On the negative, and it really is just a pet peeve of mine, I despise poor grammar or spelling. When I do it I flog myself thoroughly—when I see someone else do it, especially on a professionally run forum or web space, I usually move on to the next site on my path. I know that some of this is due to the poster, some of it is due to someone trying to quickly communicate something (possibly while at work or school, during a stolen moment or two), but some of it is just plain lazy. That being said, overall, I’d say the network portals are both very well run.
Specifically, the DEBT CONSOLIDATION PORTAL is one that I believe would be of particular interest to the F4Y audience. I think that there are times when it really helps to see that others are going though something similar to what you are going through. I’ve seen it posted on several other blogs that readers like to read the stories of people who came back from the edge, who pulled themselves out of debt, and how they did it. I don’t have that story. Whether it’s luck, good planning, or something else entirely, I’ve never been in overwhelming debt, and I never pulled myself out of it. My focus here is to help young people avoid getting into that problem, but for those who enjoy hearing personal anecdotes about how to get out once you are in—I really like what is said here. From what I did read, I don’t exactly agree with everything on the forums, but there again, is the beauty. I don’t have to agree with a divergent point of view to make it any more valid. Sometimes, I get it wrong: I’m secure enough with my knowledge to admit that, so the information here is very good.
The community from the Debt portal also took the time to write a review for F4Y: The Blog, and while this review did not influence my review of their site, I do appreciate it, and welcome the opportunity to shamelessly plug what was said there. Check it out, and contribute to the conversation. Vote and make a comment about F4Y HERE.
The community at the MORTGAGE PORTAL has also approached me to look at that site. While I think mortgages should be out of reach for most of my audience, I’m glad this portal is out there. Again, I really like professional guidance. My concern is that the professionals who moderate the forums might have other agendas than just helping out. I have ABSOLUTELY NO PROOF of this, but just as I have a problem with “experts” in finance (bank employees) who go to schools to talk about personal finance as a pretext to selling the institution that pays their check, I am leery of the same thing here. I’m sure I would have a similar problem with an investment portal if they had one. Again, I’ve seen nothing to indicate this is a problem; in fact, I have seen no overt sales pitches going on, which is as it should be. They get multiple kudos here.
As I said earlier, sometimes it helps just to see that you aren’t alone in a situation. Whether its finance, family, school, or just life, there are resources out there if you want to find them. If you can’t talk to someone in person, at least find a forum that you can get on and start reading. You may even have an answer to someone else’s question to help them out with whatever they are going through.
Sometimes it is hard to say goodbye to a good friend, especially when that friend gives good advice that you might have forgotten about over the years. That is what it feels like to realize that, last week, I finished writing about QUALITIES OF SUCCESS. I’m not saying that I will never write about them again; it’s kind of hard to be “done” with something that hits so deeply into the core of my beliefs about life in general and personal finance specifically. What I am saying is that I’m done with the series now that all of the qualities have been defined and described.
There is a little sadness here, because writing about the Qualities really has energized me, not only with FINANCE FOR YOUTH, but in my personal life as well, and now that this chapter is “done”, I feel a little sad that I won’t have the constant reminders of what the Qualities are all about. Luckily, having committed them to writing, those reminders will always be there for both myself and for all of you long after F4Y has signed off permanently.
I wanted to do a recap of all the Qualities, but I thought about it and decided against it. The Qualities are what they are: They don’t need to be distilled or clarified any more than they already have been. At this point, if you don’t understand the Qualities, no short blurb about them will be able to enlighten you. And if you don’t quite get the Qualities, don’t worry too much over them. They are difficult concepts to master (I’m still not there yet), there are a lot of them, and (for better or worse) they stray so far from what “conventional wisdom” tells us. If being truly successful is that important to you, working on the Qualities in almost any fashion will get you there. I don’t know anybody who has ever been able to get them all right immediately.
There are times when I’ve been asked about which of the Qualities are most important. Usually, I answer that they are all important, and that one can’t just easily quantify which is more important than any of the others. I truly believe this, but I also think that there are a few Qualities that, if not more important, are at the very least, first among equals. Those who know me well understand that three of the Qualities are ingrained so deeply into who I am that they define me.
HONESTY: If you think that there is any way for you to be successful while not being honest in all dealings, you’re fooling yourself. It can’t be done. Aside from the practical problems with trying to remember who you made what lies to and when (I know, there should be a diagram for that statement, sue Me.), there is the problem of when you get caught. Once you get caught in a lie (and you will be caught), everything you ever say after that will be viewed with skepticism (and rightly so), and people will spend time dissecting what you say.
INTEGRITY: Being honest all the time is good, but if people think you aren’t being honest, or if they think you are being evasive about something, they won’t trust you, the same as if you actually lied to them. You have to maintain your image in such a way as people are more inclined to believe you, not less. You may have even seen people like this. These are the people that you might not like what they say, but you know that they are giving you the truth. These are the people whose word is their bond, who close deals with a handshake, and you know that they will live up to their part of the bargain, no matter what. This is what you want to be at all times.
LOYALTY: As you grow and become more successful, you absolutely have to remember those who helped get you there, and you have to make sure that you are helping those who are helping you. Of course, your first loyalty is probably going to be to yourself and your family, but don’t forget good friends, co-workers, class mates, or anybody else who is fighting on your team. When the time comes that you see a chance for advancement, and the only price is you screwing one of these people over, let that chance pass you by. Whatever small gains you make are nothing compared to the cost.
Finally, I have given one Quality the position of most important. That is the Quality of HONOR: You will notice that once you have mastered the first three Qualities, as well as all of the others, that you will also have honor. Who you are will shine brightly through your words, your actions, and pretty much everything else as long as you stay consistent with who you are. Once you start acting in a way that is contrary to who you are, you start to dilute your image, and you lose honor.
While I am a little sad to know that I won’t be writing so exclusively on the Qualities of Success, I am also very excited to know that we can now move past the basics, and onto the details that will help you achieve the success you desire.
The next series will be an answer to one of the most common questions I receive. Almost daily, someone will ask me how I learned the things I know, where I got the wisdom that they see in F4Y: The Blog as well as when talking to me. While I might take issue with the concept of me having wisdom, I will be going into detail about where I have learned the things I have: From life. Honestly, I get a lot of it from watching TV and movies, and throughout this next series, I will go into some of the lessons I have learned from some of my favorite movies and TV shows. Of course, I also would like to have input from my readers. If you have learned something from a particular TV show, movie, or life event (how sad is that, I lump life events in with TV and movies? Really, it’s not a bad life…,), I want to know about it. Share the wisdom you have gained even as I share what I can.
I like watching kids’ movies. There, I admitted it. Not all kids’ movies, but some of the better ones. I’ve admitted to watching and getting to a point where I like the movie CARS and I don’t feel too much shame over it, but I’m still concerned about the part where the Tow Truck shouts out, “Lightning Mc Queen, why can’t I quit you!” (or that may be another movie…, I’m not so sure). What I’ve noticed is that you could learn a lot from these movies if you really want to.
This Halloween, my wife and I kept it pretty low key. We went to the gym and then watched MEET THE ROBINSONS. If you watch the movie, there is a very subtle theme that, if you listen carefully, you will hear. The theme “Let go of the past. Keep moving forward.” is repeated once or twice during the movie. I really like this advice.
Too often, as adults, we blame everything on our childhood. I’ve talked about this several times, and those who are regular readers know that I’m not a big fan of this practice. I’m also not a big fan of allowing mistakes that we have made destroy our future. This goes a little something like this: “If I would have saved more when I was young, I could be rich today.”, or “I wasn’t smart enough to pay attention in school, so I can’t be successful”, or “I got stupid with credit cards in college, and I’ll never be able to get out from under them”.
In all of the above cases, my answer is BalderdaSh! (I’m impressed with those who caught that one) There is absolutely no reason why a mistake, or even a few conscious bad decisions should automatically destroy your future ability to enjoy success. Especially for young people, time is on your side. I’m not advocating making a string of stupid plays, but let’s be honest here: If, while you are still in college, you make a bad decision regarding credit cards, the truth of the matter is you can be hurt for years. So, you won’t be on par to meet your goals by a specific age, but that’s not to say you won’t make your goals eventually. The only thing that can determine whether you make your goals is you.
The other piece of advice I have is to avoid being like Mike “Bowler Hat Guy” Yagoobian. Throughout the movie, many of BHG’s schemes fail, and when he can’t figure out why, his pawn in the scheme says, “I have little arms. I just don’t think this plan was very well thought through”. First, I couldn’t stop laughing when the T-Rex said it! It was the funniest thing in the movie. Second, this is where a lot of young people really screw up. When dealing with finance, or with life, you really have to think through your plans, and come up with at least a couple of alternative plans to deal with contingencies. This is no guarantee of success, but as you plan, you will find that you will be more successful more often, and never have a frog telling you about his small arms.
So, whenever you start thinking about all the problems you have had with finances, if you start feeling hopeless and helpless, just remember Meet the Robinsons; “Let go of your past. Keep Moving Forward”. Besides, it’s much better advice than “A dream is a wish your heart makes”, or “When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true”.
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